• Pat

Shark Attacks, The good benefits

I was surfing off the coast of Hawaii, Waikiki. Waves where Hella tubular and I was mad stoked to be shredding the sick blue gnarr. It all happened in instant, at first I figured I just got barreled by the some steez swell but when I washed ashore and noticed my leg was missing I was all like, "bummer dawg my leg is missing". I was even less stoked when looked out into the ocean and saw a great white shark munching my severed leg and flipping me the bird. Straight up not chill dude.

Three years go by and I still remember that day, I mean... Some times I forget but then I look at my leg and it's not there and I'm all like "dude... whaaa? where'd my leg go?" then I remember. Anyway three years go by I'm vibeing out on Kanye West's super yacht (yea brah, we hangout, it rad) when I spot it, shark- white- great. I could tell it was him by the distinctive scar in his right cheek that looked identical to the monster energy logo #sponcered. I jumped in the water chasing after the beast that chomped me all those moons ago, we tussled for a bit luckily I know karate so it was an easy fight. Then in a tight as hell, super tubular act of vengeance I bit part of his tail clean off and swallowed it hole, no seasoning not even ketchup. I felt the power of great white shark coursing through my veins and probably have super powers now.

I'm that moment I looked him dead in the eyes and said "Hey dude, squaresies?" He replied, " Yea dude, we're squaresies." then we became homies. I was tight dawg. We did everything together, video games, crushing beers, we moved in together, even got those matching best friend t-shirts that say BFF on them with an arrow pointing to the side so that when we stand next to each other people fucking KNOW we're best friends. I was the best man at his wedding, super tasteful ceremony with kick-ass floral arrangements.

But as the years went by him and the wife move out to the burbs to start a family. We said we'd stay in touch but he's busy with that and I go my own shit going on so we we don't see each other anymore, not even on holidays. But it's whatever, that's life.


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