• Pat

Capitalism is dope, America is the best

On a near daily basis I day dream about putting on an American flag suit and standing at one of those presidential debate podiums. The moderator asks me a question, but I wasn't paying attention so I just pull out the 100 pound dumbbell I brought with me and start repping out some absolutely filthy cheater curls. The crowd goes wild, My bicep pump is so great that the other candidates drop out and concede the presidency to me. They didn't stand a a chance.

Day one, I'm the ruler of the free world it rules, the CIA is briefing me on aliens and time travel all that secret shit presidents get to know about. I say "That's pretty cool" the director of the CIA is all like "Yea bro it is pretty cool" Then we do an intricate high five secret handshake by pure instinct and a bunch of strippers come dancing in the room followed by a camera crew. It's MTV spring break, we board Air Force one and head for Cancun, its sweet.

Jello shots, pool parties, house music, a Christmas tree made of beer cans. Blacking in and out on a resort beach, everyone pisses their pants at least once, a week goes by and it's time to start being the president. I'm back in the oval office, and call for the football. Nuke the moon, just to prove to other countries that we can, it splits clean in half now Earth has two moons, the aliens are pissed because thier planet only has one moon so now we're better then them. They nuke their moon in an attempt to scramble up the shattered respect our species had for them but it's too late now everyone just thinks they're coping us. America number one!

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